


Nobody to Kiss Goodnight

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-23
Updated: 2008-03-23
Packaged: 2018-09-03 14:15:09
Rating: Teen & Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8717032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: There's always been someone there to kiss Sam goodnight.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

  
Author's notes: A/N: Title taken from, and fic pretty much based on a line from "Emotion" by Destiny's Child, which is a beautiful song and I think fits the whole "deal" situation very nicely. If you've never heard it you can view it [here.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0r4aiItFCo)

* * *

There was always someone there at nights, kissing him and easing his passage into sleep. Mom, Dad and most importantly Dean. Someone to cling to as those last moments of consciousness escaped him, the problems of the world would fade away and for a few hours a night, life wouldn’t seem so hard.

 

Every night goes by and he continues to wonder, to hope and to dream. Maybe one day he’ll open his eyes and the nightmare will be over, maybe. Dean will be back one day, bright eyed and smiling and he’ll kiss him just like he used to, every time he closes his eyes that is his wish.

 

He’s still alive he tells himself, reaching over to the other side of the bed hoping to be greeted with a warm and kindling touch but instead he feels the cold desolate void.

 

He hasn’t gotten used to that feeling yet, emptiness, but the sad realization that it’s something he will wake up to for the rest of his life has already begun to eat away at what ever is left of his shattered resolve.

 

He lays awake in bed, for yet another day has come. The rays of sunshine creep through half drawn blinds and deep down he wonders how the sun can even manage to shine on a day like this. A day where Dean is gone and he’s left alone, unable and unwilling to move from the bitter reaches of the dark and musty motel room.

 

Sam is nothing. Nothing but a wondering soul, nothing without _him_. He feels like half a person, the rest of him untimely ripped and taken by force. He doesn’t even remember how long it’s been. Time losing all sense of meaning in the yearning for the sweet embrace nobody else could provide. He’s irreplaceable and Sam feels utterly helpless, left without his brother. Left without his baby, without someone to kiss him goodnight.

 

Slowly, he grasps again at empty sheets between his palms where hot flesh and dark freckles should be. Preferring to live his life in denial, Dean is only gone if Sam lets him go, and Sam isn’t ready to do that, not yet. He’ll never show his true face to the world, nobody will know the hole inside him that grows larger with every passing day. Nothing sates it and nothing will ever fill it, it can only remain hidden beneath the mask he dons every day.

 

Endless nights are spent wondering, forever forging false façades. He lies awake in bed as the sun sets on another day he had to spend alone and afraid. There’s nobody left to kiss him goodnight, not Mom, not Dad and not Dean. His eyes close once more much like all the other nights, but this time he wishes they'll be closing for the last time.


End file.
